How To Steal Beer

1) Send your naked buddy into a store and have perform an exotic hula dance.

2) Steal a case of beer.

3) Don't get caught.

Dalton McGuinty's Greatest Hits

The reps over at a big record company (which shall remain nameless) have sent the editorial board at the Daily Dyson an advance copy of what could be this fall's best selling album. This is going to have to go into the office music rotation. The office DJ is going to have to place it right between Whitesnake and Milli Vanilli on the album rack.



That voice in the informercial could sell ice to an eskimo.

Special thanks goes out to TimTutsch.ca for breaking this story to the world...

At Least She Has Her Looks

Miss South Carolina providing some useful insight at the Miss Teen USA pageant.

Wood Always Gets Porn

Sometimes 16 year old boys are the most ingenious, creative, and just downright smart people. Block their ability to get at pornography, and watch a little MacGyver emerge.

The Australian government recently began offering site-filtering software to parents to install on their children's computers. Tom Wood (no joke) after just 30 minutes was able to bypass the software. An update sent out later by the government was cracked again by the Woodster in a similar timeframe.

Moral of the story? - 16 year old boys will get at pornography. Don't fight the inevitable.

Stripper Detectives

Who knows what a $100 bill looks like better than a stripper?

NOBODY!

Strippers in Nashville busted a man using fake $100 bills in their club recently.

Can't get anything by those strippers.

That's What I Think Of TV News

A somewhat different reaction to questions posed by a local reporter...

See it here.

Thanks go to GK for this one.

Michael Vick - Meet Fuffy The Rottweiler

Although no where near proportional to the crime that Michael Vick committed and has since pled guilty to, the canine world has slowly started to exact its revenge on Michael Vick.

Nintendo Wii Injuries

The Nintendo Wii brings happiness. Plain and simple.

How can a device named after a shout of excitement not? (Weeeeeeeeee!!!)



The editors at the Daily Dyson recently purchased this fancy new gaming system and have been hooked on it ever since. Our shoulders hurt from the tennis. Our arms hurt from the baseball. Our wrists hurt from the bowling. And... we are just plain tired from the boxing.

Perhaps more Wii games should be purchased in order to alleviate the onset of arthritis that continuous use of Wii Sports will inevitably produce.

More updates on all that is Wii as our body recovers from the beatings that have been applied by the good people at Nintendo.

Hurricane Dean

Some crazy pictures of Hurricane Dean, currently ravaging Mexico...




Find them here at Amazing Filtered Things

Photo Taken With and Without a Flash

Isn't it amazing the difference a flash can make?

Sex With Camels Is Not Good For Your Life Expectancy

Something else that we have figured out this week...

Do not lead camels on, they may take your flirting the wrong way. A camel may take you up on what they thought was an invitation to get to know you better.

An Australian woman was crushed to death by her pet camel that had apparently become overly enamoured with his new owner.

An important piece of this story that was apparently overlooked by many news organizations: why was there a Barry White CD on a continuous loop at the scene of the crushing?

A Scientology-Free Wedding

The entire editorial board at the Daily Dyson recently returned from the last of the handful of weddings that were on the calendar for the summer. The most recent being a shindig up at Taboo Resort. Congratulations to JorKat on an excellent celebration and to the fine people at Taboo for making the festitives as great as they could be. TomKat would be proud.

Our team of crack researchers recently found a great site with some wedding e-cards. Check them out here. Send them to everyone you know.



Also big props go out to JP on his recent engagement. Rest assured that no cards from the aforementioned site will be coming from the editorial board. We are all class here. Most of the time. Not like Britney.

Got A Parking Permit?

Be careful where you park...

Always Eat Your Greens

Or else...

Baby Mania

Congratulations go out to GK on the birth of his new baby girl. The entire editorial board at the Daily Dyson wishes you luck.

Make sure to check out one of Hollywood's masterpieces on this subject, My Baby's Daddy. Obviously an oversight on the part of the Academy when the Oscar for Best Picture was handed out in 2004 to Million Dollar Baby. The similarities in names were clearly to blame in the confusion at the ballot box. The tagline for the movie has enough genius in it alone to pick up an Academy Award:

"They're going from players to playtime."

In honour of this special day, the editorial board has sent out our crack team of photographers to document all things baby related. Unfortunately the budget at the Daily Dyson only allows for us to send our photographers to the petting zoo down the road. More on that another time...

I'll Have a Double Double

When investigative reporters eat their own

ABC's 20/20 is conducting an investigative report on another show that specializes in investigative reporting - Dateline NBC.

Dateline's "To Catch A Predator" line of shows has generated alot of controversy in its quest to entrap would-be child sex predators before they can commit their crime. The show is viewed by many people when it airs regularly. One would guess it would be the same crowd interested in the latest paternity test on The Maury Povich Show, but enough of the greatest talk show ever.

Check out this clip of when "To Catch A Predator" actually caught a real, live, Predator. Ah-nold would be proud.

20/20 is investigating the story of the DA who was caught by the show, and subsequently committed suicide rather than live with the shame. ABC is looking into the practices behind the popular series, and whether they just go too far.

If you get through reading this and the universe has not collapsed in on itself, then ABC has proven that you really can investigate the investigators.

But the questions remains, who will investigate those that investigate the investigators? Stay tuned for an exclusive investigative report.

Michael Vick sued for a gazillion dollars

Sometimes there are stories that are just so bizarre that you cannot help but think they are false. But here we go anyways...

Disgraced NFL star Michael Vick, aka Ron Mexico, has been hit with a lawsuit for "$63,000,000,000 Billion" from an inmate in South Carolina who claims that Vick stole the inmate's pitbulls, sold them on EBay, then used the profits to buy missiles from Iran.

Click here for a copy of the handwritten lawsuit.

The clear question that arises from this is - what is Michael Vick doing buying missiles from Iran? It turns out that Vick is actually a sympathizer for Al-Qaeda, and bought the Iranian missiles to provide to his new terrorist buddies.


How much does a missile really cost on the open market?

Could selling two fighting pitbulls really cover the cost of even one?

Did Vick get some sort of deal on the missiles?

Do they not come with warheads?

Deep thoughts...

Because Sometimes You've Just Had A Long Day

Even babies need a break...

Meat Drinks

Finally! Someone has come up with a comprehensive recipe guide to cocktails that are made with meat. Why has this taken so long?

Got to try that Bourbon and Blood, aka The Charles Bronson.

Chuck Norris needs a drink with meat named after him.

Lucky 13

Tiger Woods completed his 13th Major victory yesterday, winning the PGA Championship by 2 strokes over Woody Austin. Tiger's playing partner in the last round, Stephen Ames, suffered the same meltdown that most final round partners of Tiger's do - he went from 2nd to 12th.

A special mention goes out to 6th place finisher Simon Dyson. Congratulations. The editorial board is happy that you have had your highest finish ever, but it's now time to come back to your day job at the Daily Dyson. Take Monday off, but be here Tuesday at 8am sharp.

9 Words To Be Scared Of...

9 Words a woman uses that men should be wary of...

The warning has been issued.

Bonds Breaks Home Run Record - Yawn!

If you need further proof that the baseball world just doesn't want to celebrate Barry Bonds breaking the most hallowed record in professional sports, look no further than previous record holder Hank Aaron's assertion that he slept through Bond's record breaking home run.

Let the Alex Rodriguez home run record watch begin...

A Kid Of Steel

An update to our June 21st story regarding a New Zealand couple that were denied the ability to name their child "4Real".

The couple has now decided to name their child "Superman". This is allowed, as there are no numbers in the name of the Man of Steel.

Apparently there are just too many children named James and Alison in the world.

One can understand a parent wanting their child to have a name that is somewhat unique, but this kid is going to have some serious problems in school growing up. Everybody is going to want a piece of Superman.

Great Political Ad

Check out this ad from Argentina.

Watch it the whole way through...

We're Not Gonna Take It!

Sometimes buffalo just get fed up with lions hunting them down.

Sometimes crocodiles want a piece of the action.

Sometimes Elton John was just wrong when he sang "Can You Feel The Love Tonight?" See below...

Speaking of Elton John, his quest to shut down the internet has been met with a few roadblocks, mainly something we like to call "progress". Wake up Elton, it's 2007. Crocodile Rock has closed down.

Now The Blind Are Driving...

A 20 year old man was arrested in Estonia for driving a car recently.

Got to love the fact that only after the man passed the breathalyzer did the police realize that he was not drunk, just blind.

If only they had a test for checking if you are driving while blind...

Toronto FC vs LA Galaxy

The entire editorial board of the Daily Dyson is headed down to BMO Field to check out the game tonight between the Toronto FC and the Beckham-less LA Galaxy.

The board is hoping to get some memorabilia autographed by David Beckham at the game, specifically our Lynyrd Skynyrd greatest hits album. That or a blender.

Obviously Beckham will have some time on his hands, seeing as he's pretty much injured for the rest of the MLS season. No worries, because his ankle will magically heal itself in time for the international matches coming up. When England calls, you must play.

Stay tuned for updates.

Editors Note: Do you realize how hard it is to find a picture on the internet of David Beckham with a shirt on...

Dog The Bounty Hunter is FREE!

Possibly the best news of the year. Duane "Dog The Bounty Hunter" Chapman has been freed of all charges by the Mexican government.

Television can now return to normal...

The Map Of Baseball

Very cool map illustrating the geographical reach of Major League Baseball teams.

Click the picture for a better view.

It's About Time.

A woman in Siciliy has finally cut off the allowance for her 61 year old son.

Talk about living the high life for 61 years!

Cute Picture Of The Day

The editorial board needs to show their soft side once in a while...

Elton John Wants To Shut Down The Internet

Sir Elton John has a problem with the power of the internet.

Apparently he feels that too much time is spent on blogging, and not enough on actually participating in society.

The editorial board at the Daily Dyson disagrees 100%, and has decided to boycott all future Elton John shows in Las Vegas. The tickets that we have for his next four shows will now be fed to lions.

Laser Printers = Death Of Humanity

Don't want to scare anybody with that alarmist headline, but a new study shows that Laser Printers, if yelled at repeatedly, will rise up Terminator style and depopulate the earth of all humans...

Treat your printers with the respect they deserve!

"PC Load Letter?!? PC Load Letter?!? What the F$#% is PC Load Letter?"
-Office Space

Jerry Garcia Day

Today is the birthday of Grateful Dead member Jerry Garcia. Look for the annual Daily Dyson Jerry Garcia tribut in a week on the anniversary of his passing.

In honour of this great day, www.nugs.net is programming all Jerry tunes today.

Sirius has started out Grateful Dead month on Channel 17 - Jam On. This is a precursor to the official launch of the Grateful Dead permanent channel on Sirius Satellite Radio.

Speaking of Jerry, I highly recommend checking out Ben & Jerry's Cherry Garcia ice cream. Mmmmmmmmmm.

Mr Baby Man

Are you my daddy Mats Sundin?